Last December, I sat alone in my apartment on Christmas Eve, surrounded by twinkling lights that suddenly felt way too bright. My phone was silent. Everyone else seemed to be posting perfect family moments, and there I was, wondering why the “most wonderful time of the year” felt anything but. If you’ve ever felt that quiet ache during the holidays—or honestly, any random Tuesday—you’re far from alone.
Recent studies show that nearly half of adults expect to feel more stressed this holiday season than last year, and almost a third worry about loneliness. The truth? Happiness isn’t about having the perfect gathering or the most gifts under the tree. It’s about something much simpler, and yet somehow harder to grab hold of: feeling truly connected to the people around us.
Three Surprisingly Simple Ways to Feel Happier Right Now
Over the years of writing about relationships and talking to psychologists, I’ve learned that the happiest people aren’t the ones with the busiest social calendars or the most charismatic personalities. They’re the ones who intentionally nurture connection—even in tiny, almost embarrassingly small ways. Here are three practices that research keeps pointing to as genuine happiness boosters. I’ve tried them all, and honestly, they work better than any self-help book I’ve ever read.
1. Have One Real Conversation a Day (Yes, Even With the Barista)
We’re all guilty of the quick “hey, how are you” that nobody actually answers. But a real conversation—even fifteen minutes—can shift your entire mood. Not small talk about the weather. I’m talking about the kind where you actually listen and share something that matters.
Think about the last time someone asked how you really were and waited for the answer. Feels rare, right? That’s because most of us are terrified of going deeper. Yet science keeps showing that these moments of genuine exchange light up the same reward centers in the brain as eating chocolate or winning money.
The deepest form of human connection happens when we feel seen and heard—sometimes in the most unexpected conversations.
Here’s what I started doing: every single day, I make it a point to have one conversation that goes beneath the surface. Sometimes it’s with my partner over dinner, asking, “What’s something that made you feel alive this week?” Other days it’s asking my neighbor what she’s actually looking forward to in the new year instead of the usual polite nod.
Pro tip: questions that start with “What’s the best part of…” or “Tell me about a time when…” almost always open the door wider than “How was your day?” Try it tomorrow morning with the person making your coffee. You might be surprised how willingly people lean in when you offer them real attention.
- Ask open-ended questions that invite stories
- Put your phone away—fully away
- Reflect back what you heard (“So what I’m hearing is you felt really proud when that happened”)
- Share something vulnerable in return
Do this for a week and watch how the texture of your days changes. Suddenly the world feels a little less cold.
2. Tell People You’re Grateful for Them—Out Loud and Often
We think nice things about people all the time. “She’s such a good friend.” “He always makes me laugh.” But how often do we actually say it? Gratitude only counts for happiness when it’s expressed.
I used to keep a gratitude journal (very trendy, I know), but the real magic happened when I started telling the people themselves. A quick voice note to my sister saying, “I was just thinking how lucky I am to have you in my corner.” A text to an old college friend: “Randomly remembered that time you dropped everything to help me move. Still grateful.”
The research backs this up hard: expressing gratitude strengthens relationships, lowers stress hormones, and actually rewires your brain to notice the good more often. But the part studies can’t quite capture is the look on someone’s face when you tell them, unprompted, that they matter to you.
When we voice appreciation, we’re not just making someone else feel good—we’re reminding ourselves why life is worth living.
– Positive psychology researcher
Make it stupidly easy:
- Keep a note on your phone called “Gratitude Bombs” and fire one off whenever someone pops into your head
- Leave sticky notes for your partner or roommate
- Call instead of text when it really matters
- Bring back the lost art of the handwritten card—people keep those forever
I promise the first one feels awkward. By the tenth, you’ll be hooked on how it makes both of you light up.
3. Do One Small, Unexpected Kind Thing Every Day
Kindness is the cheat code to happiness that nobody talks about enough. And I don’t mean grand heroic gestures (though those are great). I mean the tiny, almost invisible acts that make someone’s day 2% better.
Pay for the person behind you in the drive-through. Carry an extra umbrella and offer it to the stranger getting soaked. Send your friend a playlist because one song reminded you of them. Venmo your sibling $10 with the memo “because you’re awesome.”
Here’s the wild part: the happiness boost you get from doing something kind is often bigger than the boost the receiver gets. Your brain literally releases oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin—a natural antidepressant cocktail.
In my experience, the key is surprise. Planned kindness is lovely, but unexpected kindness? That’s the stuff that makes people tear up in public.
- Compliment a stranger’s style (specific compliments only—“that color looks incredible on you” beats “nice shirt”)
- Let someone go ahead of you in line when you’re not in a rush
- Tip generously, especially to people who look like they’re having a rough day
- Offer help before it’s asked for
I started keeping a “kindness tally” on my fridge—just little check marks for each day I managed one intentional act. Some months I hit thirty check marks. Those are always my happiest months, no contest.
Why Connection Is the Real Antidote to Holiday Blues (and Everyday Blues)
We spend so much energy chasing the next achievement, the next purchase, the next notification high. But when researchers ask people on their deathbeds what mattered most, nobody ever says “I wish I’d bought nicer shoes” or “I should’ve refreshed Instagram more.”
They talk about love. About the people who made them laugh until their stomachs hurt. About the conversations that changed everything. About feeling like they belonged somewhere, to someone.
This holiday season—or this week, or today—don’t wait for connection to find you. Go make it happen in the smallest, bravest ways you can. Start that slightly scary conversation. Send that overdue message of gratitude. Do that one kind thing you’ve been putting off.
Because the truth I’ve learned the hard way? Happiness was never hiding in the lights or the gifts or the perfectly curated moments. It’s been waiting in the spaces between us all along, ready for us to reach out and claim it.
