5 Email Phrases That Sabotage Workplace Relationships

Have you ever hit “send” on an email, thinking it was perfectly polite, only to get a chilly response—or none at all? I’ve been there, drafting what I thought was a professional message, only to realize later it came across as snarky or passive-aggressive. In the workplace, where emails are often the backbone of communication, a single poorly chosen phrase can erode trust faster than you’d expect. According to communication experts, subtle cues in our words can make or break how colleagues perceive us, especially when tone and body language are absent.

Emails strip away the warmth of face-to-face chats, leaving room for misinterpretation. Over the years, I’ve coached professionals who didn’t realize their emails were putting them on thin ice with coworkers or bosses. It’s not just about what you say—it’s about how it lands. Let’s dive into five common phrases that might seem harmless but can sabotage your workplace relationships, along with smarter alternatives to keep things collaborative and clear.

Why Words Matter in Workplace Emails

Before we get to the phrases, let’s talk about why this matters. In a busy office, emails are often scanned quickly. A single off-putting word can shift the reader’s perception, making them feel judged or dismissed. Research from psychology experts suggests that emotional intelligence in communication—choosing words that foster connection rather than conflict—is key to building influence. When you’re aiming to lead or collaborate, your emails should reflect tact and clarity, not veiled frustration.

Words are powerful—they can either build bridges or burn them.

– Communication expert

So, how do you spot the phrases that might be working against you? Below, I’ve outlined five culprits that creep into emails when we’re feeling impatient or annoyed. Each comes with a better way to get your point across without ruffling feathers.

1. “Just Circling Back on This”

We’ve all used this one, right? You send a follow-up email, hoping to nudge someone without sounding pushy. But “just circling back” can come off as a polite jab, implying, “Hey, why haven’t you responded yet?” It’s like poking someone with a smile—it still stings. The recipient might feel guilty or defensive, which isn’t great for team collaboration.

Instead of vague nudging, be direct but kind. Specify what you need and when. For example: “Could you share your input on the project timeline by tomorrow? I’d love to keep things moving.” This approach is clear, sets expectations, and keeps the tone collaborative.

• Why it’s a problem: Feels like a subtle call-out for not responding.
• Better swap: “Please let me know your thoughts by [specific deadline].”
• Pro tip: Always include a clear action item to avoid confusion.

2. “Per My Last Email…”

This phrase is the email equivalent of an eye-roll. It screams, “I already told you this, and I’m annoyed I have to repeat myself.” While it’s frustrating when someone misses key info, “per my last email” can make the recipient feel scolded or incompetent. In my experience, this phrase shuts down open communication faster than almost anything else.

A better move? Restate the information concisely without pointing fingers. Try: “To recap, the deadline is next Friday at noon.” Or, if you want to keep it conversational: “Just a quick reminder—the budget needs approval by Wednesday.” These options keep the focus on the task, not the oversight.

Clarity in communication builds trust, while blame creates distance.

Here’s a quick comparison of tones:

3. “Copying [Name] Here”

Looping in a boss or stakeholder can feel like pulling rank. It’s like saying, “I’m bringing in the big guns because you’re not cooperating.” This move can make the recipient feel ambushed, turning a simple exchange into something confrontational. I’ve seen this backfire when colleagues start to see you as someone who escalates too quickly.

If you need to involve someone else, be transparent about why. For example: “I’ve added Sarah since she’s overseeing the budget.” This shows the inclusion is about collaboration, not a power play. It keeps the conversation professional and avoids unnecessary tension.

1. Avoid escalation vibes: Don’t CC someone just to pressure the recipient.
2. Explain the inclusion: Clarify why the new person is looped in.
3. Keep it collaborative: Frame the email as a team effort.

4. “Thanks in Advance”

This one feels polite on the surface, but it can come off as presumptuous. By saying “thanks in advance,” you’re assuming the other person will do what you want, which can feel dismissive of their time or priorities. It’s like saying, “I know you’ll do this, so I’m not even asking.”

A better approach respects their autonomy. Try: “Could you let me know if this works for your schedule?” or “I’d appreciate your input by Friday if possible.” These options show you value their time while still making your request clear.

Here’s a personal take: I used to sprinkle “thanks in advance” into my emails, thinking it was polite. But a mentor pointed out it made me sound transactional, like I was checking a box rather than building a connection. That feedback stuck with me.

5. “Please Advise”

When you’re frustrated and out of ideas, “please advise” might feel like a safe fallback. But it can sound cold and formal, almost like you’re dumping the problem on someone else. It’s the email version of throwing your hands up and saying, “You deal with it.”

Instead, ask a specific question or show you’re ready to collaborate. For example: “What’s the best way to move forward here?” or “I’d love your input on next steps.” These phrases invite discussion without sounding detached or irritated.

Email Tone Formula:
  50% Clarity
  30% Respect
  20% Warmth = Professional Connection

How to Spot Your Own Passive-Aggressive Habits

It’s easy to slip into these phrases when you’re stressed or annoyed. Maybe you’re juggling deadlines, or someone’s dropped the ball. But here’s the thing: self-awareness is your best tool. Before hitting send, ask yourself: “Am I feeling frustrated? Could this email sound snarky?” If the answer’s yes, take a beat and rephrase.

Here are a few signs your email might be veering into passive-aggressive territory:

• You’re using formal language to mask irritation.
• You’re hinting at something instead of saying it outright.
• You’re copying someone to “prove a point.”

One trick I’ve found helpful is to read my emails out loud before sending. If it sounds like something I’d cringe to hear in person, I rewrite it. It’s a small habit that’s saved me from countless misunderstandings.

Building Stronger Workplace Relationships Through Email

Emails aren’t just about getting tasks done—they’re about building trust and connection. Every message you send is a chance to show you’re a team player who respects others’ time and perspectives. By swapping out passive-aggressive phrases for clear, collaborative ones, you’re not just avoiding conflict—you’re laying the groundwork for influence and leadership.

Here’s a quick cheat sheet for better email habits:

Perhaps the most interesting aspect is how small changes in your emails can shift how others see you. A colleague once told me they started getting faster responses after they stopped using “please advise.” It’s like their emails went from sounding like a courtroom to a conversation.

Why This Matters for Your Career

In the workplace, your ability to communicate diplomatically can make or break your career trajectory. Leaders don’t just look at your results—they notice how you handle conflict and collaboration. According to career coaches, professionals who master assertive communication are more likely to be seen as leadership material.

Your emails are your reputation in writing. Make them count.

– Career advisor

So, next time you’re drafting an email, take a second to check your tone. Are you building bridges or accidentally burning them? By choosing words that are clear, respectful, and collaborative, you’re not just avoiding misunderstandings—you’re showing you’re someone others can trust and rely on.

Ready to level up your email game? Start by catching these phrases in your drafts and swapping them for something warmer and more direct. You might be surprised how much smoother your workplace relationships become.